laughter, sharks and UPS

I'm a big fan of laughing. I know you're shocked. stunned. speechless, perhaps. but it's true. I remember being on the playground in grade school and other kids poking fun at me for my loud laugh. i wasn't the only one. jason bogroff also had a very loud laugh. in fact, someone suggested how horrible it would be if we had kids.

isn't it funny the things that mortify us as children?

anyway, I took such comments to heart. I immediately stopped laughing loudly at school. I actually stopped laughing at all. I didn't let loose again and really be myself again until I was in the 11th grade. I was walking down the long, separate hall to the choir room and decided (rather melodramatically, i'll admit, but I was 16 so what do you expect?) that I didn't have much of a childhood, so I'm going to enjoy myself now, and if anyone doesn't like it, too bad. I'm going to enjoy myself.

I believe the first thing I did upon entering the choir room was jump onto the chairs and refuse to touch the floor the whole hour because there were sharks. (I know, I know. but I was 16. that's my defense)(also in my defense, when I referred to "childhood" above, I meant my social interaction at school. overall my childhood was just fine. just ask my sister :P)

I still do things like this today, though. In so many situations I've been more concerned with fitting in, not annoying people, being "likeable" and conforming to what people expect that for awhile I had this behavior modification thing down. behavior modification is sort of like change, except that it doesn't fit you well. it's like wearing clothes that were tailored for someone who is taller and skinnier than you.

I started reading a book today about how you should focus on your strengths and not your weaknesses in helping determine what to do in life, or what kid of a role to carve out for yourself. it seems pretty common sense to me. but I remember working in a big company where you needed to be "well-rounded" and do a little of everything to get "the experience," do the jobs that are expected, take the promotions as they come or you get black-listed.

even though I really enjoy my job, I'm always interested in reading about different ideas on how to find a career you enjoy. while I'm no adrenaline junkie, I do love the thrill and excitement of change, and maybe deep down I assume that this job is just a place-marker until the next one comes along.

I also love taking different personality tests (which always seem like the grownup serious versions of the magazine tests, you know?) I never feel I ever really answered any of them right, which makes me feel a little wishy washy, and that I don't really know myself. I took at test once that revealed that I'm balance brained, smack dab in the middle, so maybe that's my problem. (sometimes I feel like taking these personality tests is a bit like reading your horoscope just for kicks...like it doesn't really matter, but it just might be right...)

so all that to say, too, that I'm now trying to make a list of what my strengths are. it's really hard, because it's so much easier to figure out what your weaknesses are. the book I'm reading defines a "strength" as something that you peform perfectly and consistently every time. I won't get into the difference between "strength" and "talent" right now, because I can't remember what the book said about that.

but so far, i think the strengths I can identify are:

1. focusing on one thing at a time to completion.

and that's it. I think that's a strength. oh well, back to my real work.