blue lake public radio

i just realized today what my little study (office) is missing: classical music (in the general, laymen's sense of the term). until i get a cd player for the little room so i can be in control, blue lake public radio will do for now.

why is that, you say?

because there is just something about orchestras and symphonies, concertos and sonatas, classical and contemporary, that calms my frantic brain. it's easier to work by than popular music because i'm not distracted by lyrics. honestly, there are times when i cannot stand lyrics any more; they can feel grating and crude, numbing my senses. instrumental music (never compromise quality, though, kenny g just doesn't cut it) just washes over my emotions like a refreshing rain. it's cleansing. it belies mood without telling any one particular tale, and allows you to feel on a basic level without having to attach it to anything. i could never meditate in silence, my mind is too busy; but i could drift contentedly for hours in Vivaldi...even choral works from Lauridsen...Palestrina.

it's a little known fact that i'm a musician, and more obscure still that i studied music in college. i even received a piece of paper for my trouble. i remember writing about the psychological mindset of the 19th century musician (not something you do for fun, folks). for all the memorizing, studying, practicing and ingesting, i still only care about what i hear. i'm not very analytical...i just know how music makes me feel.

i've discovered that the violin can break my heart. there is no instrument like it; you can practically wring the emotion out of its strings. i taught myself how to play some irish tunes, but i don't have the patience or the time to work on things like "tone" and "getting better". i can't stand being mediocre in anything, so now it sits in my closet like an unsent love letter.

we took my dad to hear the grand rapids symphony for his christmas present last year. (i get all this from him, by the way) the highlight for me was the minimalism piece "canticle in memory of benjamin britten" by arvo part. i was moved to tears, literally weeping in my seat (silently of course, i'm not rude). my sister (who received a slightly different musical inheritance) looked at me like i was crazy and backed away slowly. she could not make sense of my reaction.

that's okay. she can get around blaring the beach boys or elton john. i'll sit in an empty apartment with tchaikovsky and saint-saens. or blue lake public radio. :)