saying when and saying no

i think I believed that as I grew older, certain things would come naturally... like knowing what I can handle and what I can't, understanding myself, liking myself... etc. etc., so on and so forth. dangitall if that isn't how it works... those things actually require some effort on my part!

now, it's been awhile since I've blogged I think... our modem went to be with God, so we are without internet at the homestead. there's been something of a debacle getting the replacement, so this post appears courtesy of Beaners on Ivanrest (in my top 5 --yes, they're ranked-- but mostly because of the location and extravagant amount of windows). so if I repeat something from a previous post, I apologize.


For whatever reason, I am the kind of person that likes to help. Whatever it is that you need, I want very badly to be the person with the fix, the solution, the time, the money, the energy, the room, the connection, whatever. I have been known to offer my help even when I know I shouldn't or can't or I'm not adequately prepared. This is a point where I have had a difficult time finding a balance. Chris has even had to say at least once, "I don't want you to do that anymore" because I couldn't say it to myself.

I'm also the kind of person who loves to makes lists... but struggles to actually DO anything on them.

Last week I made a mental decision not to take anything else on for the month of September. I've got some sweet projects already going on, and I tried to be proactive by drawing a line in the proverbial sand to keep me from taking on too much.

But do I listen to myself?
Do I operate within the structure of any kind of list?
Do I know when to say when?
Do I know how to say no?

ummmm...

I'm getting better at these things, and the only reason I can tell is that after I take on something I shouldn't, I get this particular feeling in the center of my being. it's uncomfortable, it's anxious, and it wants me to just wig out.

hence, I know I've taken on too much.

the other night I did just such a thing, and almost immediately began a conversation with my sister and husband about whether I just made a mistake. "maybe I shouldn't have said I would do it" and then through talking it out (their role being the easiest, just listening to me unravel things a bit until they make sense) I realized, yeah, it's not smart.


so I'm improving! hip hip, jorge!


and I've decided to implement a rule -- a rule of thumb, I guess you would say, but I need to give it a much cooler name.

the rule is this: before taking on ANYTHING... I must sleep on it (or take a day or two) before giving my final answer. (i cannot take credit for this rule, I think I actually learned it from my mom long ago)

a sub rule in the context of "last-minute" things: if I'm prepared and it fits in my schedule, then great. If not, the answer is no. (I add this because I had just such a thing happen a week or two ago..."can you open for us tonight?" and I knew I wasn't prepared so I said no. a minor victory.)

and you know what, it really helps to kind of think these things through and write them out, and see them... it helps the process of really owning it, you know?



so, I guess this was a post about sticking to your guns, knowing when to say no, and then basking in the non-anxiety that follows. i'm finding it hard to concentrate at the moment because the bathroom beckons. toodle-oo! I'm off to sleep in my sleeping bag for the two nights out of the year I'm allowed to!